A tribute to my mom (for no particular reason)

[ellen_datlow]

My mother is alive and well at 80 my parents and sometimes annoys the hell out of me-- although I've learned to ignore the more hurtful things she says. Despite this, I know she loves me and I'd like to take this opportunity to say why. This came up in a discussion I had yesterday with a friend, prompting me to call and thank my mom when I got home. She emailed me this morning to thank ME and then (typically) made a crack that I'm sure she did not think was nasty).

When I was a little girl my mom--who can barely carry a tune-- used to sing to me a LOT and I loved it. Specifically I remember some weird song with the chorus "The shrimp boats are coming, they're coming tonight". Anyone have any idea where it's from? My mother doesn't remember.

She also instilled in me a love for the old musicals, particularly The Pajama Game which I still adore despite its somewhat dated view of male-female relationships. The music is incredible, and I remember jumping on the couch in the Bronx singing "There Once Was a Man" and "This is my Once a Year a Day" and all the other songs. I loved and still love the movie with Doris Day and John Raitt (Bonnie's dad). Almost fifty years later I went to see the Encores! production and when I got out I ran around Times Square singing at the top of my lungs with my friends. I also saw the recent production with Harry Connick Jr. and Kelly O'Hara.

During that same period of my life my parents bought me a miniature piano (I mean really small, about 10 keys) and my mom wrote up the notes as numbers for me so I could play.

And the thing that really impressed my friend is that although my sister and I were too young to watch the original Twilight Zone tv series because it was on too late -our mom would in great detail tell us the entire story from the night before. It wasn't until at least thirty years later that I actually saw the famous Agnes Moorehead show where she's trying to rid her house of pesky little creatures that turn out to be astronauts from Earth on a planet where she's a giant. My mom did this every week.
She wouldn't let me watch horror movies in the theater (she thought they were too scary) but I watched Outer Limits, Thriller, One Step Beyond, and every other "weird" show religiously.

So anyone feel like giving a shout out about their own moms and the special things they've done?

Comments

[bev-vincent.livejournal.com]

Specifically I remember some weird song with the chorus "The shrimp boats are coming, they're coming tonight". Anyone have any idea where it's from? My mother doesn't remember.

Is this it? Jo Stafford, 1951

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Wow! Yes. They were big Jo Stafford fans. There was a great album with a whole bunch of music from the at era that I listened to all the time:
Shrimp boats wasn't on it but
Wayward Wind (Jo Stafford)
Ghost Riders of the Storm
They call the Wind Mariah
--those are some of the songs I remember from it.

[cinriter.livejournal.com]

"Shrimp Boats" was a big hit in '51 for Jo Stafford. You can run it through Wikipedia for a brief history.

My mom's my best friend. She's just the coolest. She had a rough health year in 2007 (for the first time ever - at 75 she's in far better shape than I am!), but is coming back now. We love doing things together, and she thinks it's pretty cool that I write horror (although she doesn't like it when I write the "F word" a lot!).

Funny story about your mom reciting TWILIGHT ZONE for you. Thanks for sharing.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'll have to see if it was on an album or in a show or something. Seems like it would be.

I never thought it was unusual (about the TZ storytelling).
I figure, I'd rather do it while she's alive and healthy (although I kind of hope she doesn't find my blog ;-) )

[the-flea-king.livejournal.com]

That is so cool, about your Mom retelling you Twilight Zone episodes the next day.

My mom sung to us a lot as well. Now days, she's involved in some kind of international karaoke community, and has friends all over the globe that record cover songs together from their cobbled together home studios. She occasionally sends me links of her performances.

The best thing my mom ever did for me was encourage me in my interest in science and teach me to read before I started school. If she hadn't done those things, I would be a completely different person.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Now that's cool, about the karaoke. Sounds like she's totally internet literate too. My mom (not my dad) is online but mostly uses it for email.

My parents had collections of short stories around and my mother read Oscar Wilde's fairy tales to me, which explains my interest in depressing fiction :-)

[glvalentine.livejournal.com]

My mom has always been very supportive of my writing, in a distant way: she's told me since I was little that if I was applying myself to it, then that was great, end of story.

The first time she read something of mine was a dark-sci-fi short story from my freshman year of high school. She found it on the dining table where I'd forgotten it; when she handed it back she said calmly, "I found your story. It's very nicely written. And if you ever want to talk to a counselor or anything, you just tell me."

Gotta love a mom who covers every angle.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

LOL.

[relby.livejournal.com]

It's really funny you brought this particular topic up, because I've been having a huge mental lovefest for my mother for the past week. Why? Because of Hillary Rodham Clinton, who reminds me very much of her, in no particularly quantifiable way.

When I read about people taking potshots at HRC, it triggers some sort of unconscious (what's the son version of maternal?) protective instinct in me.

No, I can't help it. Yes, I have a lot of baggage to unpack :)

[rosefox]

Filial.

[ecmyers.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing that, Ellen. My mom has always encouraged me in everything that I do. She offers strong opinions of course, especially if she thinks I'm making a mistake, but she's never pushed me to do what she wants--and when I make my own decisions she always supports me as much as she can. She made a lot of sacrifices while raising me and my sister so we had everything we needed, even though money was always tight--she especially made sure we received a good education. And she always lets me know she's proud of my accomplishments, no matter how small they are. I owe her a lot, probably in ways I'm not even conscious of; it's easy to forget that when you're out on your own so it's nice to be reminded to appreciate them (aside from the commercially-decreed greeting card holidays).

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Eugene, even though my mom has nagged me throughout my life she's also been supportive of what I have decided to do with it. But I had to work really hard to not be hurt by her criticisms, always said "because she loves me."

We didn't have much money growing up either. My mom made my sister and my clothing sometimes. She's always been a great seamstress. I remember matching dresses.

And a few years ago, she insisted on making a little dress for an undressed three-faced doll I'd bought.

[lizziebelle.livejournal.com]

My mom can drive me crazy sometimes, in that way that only moms can, but she's always told me that I can be and do anything I wanted. She never pressured me to get married or have children. She still sends me home with food and cookies whenever I visit. :)

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

You're lucky. That's one of the things my mother has always done, although it's not like it's had an influence on me. However, she has been very supportive of my work--even though I'm not sure she totally understands the details of what I do (but most people who aren't editors or writers don't know either).

[alexewyso.livejournal.com]

My mom always reminds me she got married at 21. My grandmother just keeps asking us if we're getting "serious" or "making future plans.

[rosefox]

I don't know how I could possibly come up with a single illustrative anecdote. I would have to start with my mother choosing my father in part because of the significant differences in their genetic backgrounds, to minimize the possibility of harmful double recessives. Then there are the ways she made it impossible for me and my brother to rebel for the sake of rebelling; every time we tried, she co-opted whatever we were doing and made it cool, telling me that my boyfriends could sleep over because that was better than not knowing where I was or who I was with, paying for my brother to have his hair professionally bleached and dyed green because she didn't want him handling the chemicals. At the time it was both hilarious and frustrating. Now it's something for which I'm profoundly grateful, because it gave us room to make our own choices about what we were for, not just choosing things our parents were against.

She's always given me great advice on relationships, though I've pretty much never taken it (and always come back to her later to say "You were right"). She also told us to be patient with each other while we were growing up and assured us that she and her brother fought bitterly as children and now adore each other. My brother and I are now incredibly close, to a degree I really never thought I would see, and a lot of that is because I trusted her reassurances that sibling rivalry could in time turn into deep affection.

Hooray for awesome moms!

[safewrite.livejournal.com]

I miss my mother terribly, but the memories are marvelous. After the children were grown she ran for the school board and worked her way up through politics to be a national lobbyist for various family and eduaction causes. Once my father passed away that drove my sisters, my brother and me nuts: we'd call to check in on her (she was in her 70s) and sometimes there would be no answer all weekend. On Monday, my conversation with my mother would get a response something like this:

"Oh, didn't I tell you I was going down to Washington to speak to Senator so-and-so?"

"No, mom, you didn't and we had visions of you fallen and unable ot get up, or worse."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Next time I will try to remember to give one of you a call." And she always had great progress and was having so much fun!

Usually, she did call to say when she would be away. Usually.

[alaneer.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing that, and the pics. Your Mom doesn't look 80, neither does your Dad.

My Mom passed away a few years ago. She never sang to us, but fairy tales were aplenty. Her birthday is coming up on Jan. 15th. I always light a candle and let it burn all day. I have so much to thank her for: her support of my constantly reinventing myself, her enthusiasm for everything I did, even if later they turned out to be mistakes, but most of all for her unconditional love. I miss that. And I miss her carefree laughter and down to earth personality.

Mom also made matching dresses for us when we were little, though at that time I resented wearing the same outfit as my younger sister. I used to design and sew costumes for Holloween, for myself and my daughters; I think I got that from her. Between the three of us, we have seven cloaks, and over twenty outfits. We recycle them now, since I've stopped sewing in 2005.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. And my dad is 91! We celebrated his 90th this past September.
Because my parents both look younger than their ages, it's been hard for my sister and I to come to terms with the fact that they are elderly. When we all went on a cruise for my dad's 90th birthday my sister came to me and said "did you know dad has false teeth"? (only some, not even all)--and I had to remind her...um he's 90 --why is this such a big surprise?

I realize that I'm very lucky to still have both my parents, and so have been making more of an effort to verbally let them know that I appreciate them, something I've always had trouble expressing.

[kara-gnome.livejournal.com]

I love that your mom told you all the Twilight Zone episodes like that, how very cool. What a great thing to look forward to, too.

My mom's been great. I consider her my best friend, really, since I became an adult.

Anyway, one of the things she would do is change the story of what happened. Someone would ask, for example, "How was the grocery store?"

She would answer with some outrageous story involving carts and clerks, well, I don't know, but it would be this big, crazy story. And since I'd been with her at the grocery store, I knew it was all lies, and no way had she said anything funny.

I asked her, once, why did she do this. She said, "Because it makes a better story. People like it better."

I got the biggest kick out of that, and really, I've never minded her editing our lives as she does. She's quite right, it does make better stories.

There's so many things! My mom sang, too, and sometimes drew these magnificent paper dolls. My sister and I would trace out clothes for them.

We all watched Star Trek together, every week, it was the big thrill for us kids. She told me years later she wasn't very interested in it, but she liked how much we liked it.

Neat post; fun to think about. It is hard to see them aging, though, that's for sure.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Did you cut out the paper dolls? That just reminded me that my mom made the clothes for my sister and my dolls: we had "Berger" (instead of "Ginny," which were more expensive)and then Barbie dolls.

We watched tv together as a family, too. And because my father owned a luncheonette, we "dined" on pretzel rods and ice cream!

[kaaronwarren.livejournal.com]

I loved reading about your Mom! My Mum (Australian spelling) always has cool hands. Whenever I was sick, she would sit by my bed and stroke my forehead with that lovely cool hand until I fell asleep.
Nothing will ever comfort me as much, I don't think.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Kaaron,
That's lovely.

[benpeek.livejournal.com]

aw.

my mum never read to me. not once. it was through this that i began to love literature :)

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Hi Ben,
If that's true you missed out on something really wonderful.

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

My mother died 35 years ago and she and my father were members of a very repressive fundamentalist sect. Most of the time she obeyed him. But there were two situations where she hid information from him to shield me -- my four suspensions from two high schools. The first two related to the rally and then my leading our school's contingent on the March on the Pentagon against the Vietnam war (when my father was stationed at the Pentagon). The second two involved changing the dress code so girls could wear halters and hot pants to school (when he was stationed in Virginia Beach). At the time, I thought they were all free speech issues. Now that I'm a lot older, I still think so about the March, but I don't think girls should dress so skimpily at school unless we want most of the boys to flunk out of high school (and I had to borrow the halter & hot pants -- I would never have worn those on my own!).

Also, my father didn't like "artsy-fartsy" things so even though I first performed professionally when I was five, he's never seen me perform. He didn't allow my mother to see me, either, but after she died, I found her collection of purse calendars and every one of my performances was marked.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

It's great that your mother supported you that way. I was in college by the time I was demonstrating against the Vietnam War. My dad and I would have loud arguments in public places for several years until he eventually changed his mind about supporting the war.

On a far more minor note, my parents stood up for me when in senior high school I and several friends were threatened with suspension for crossing the street during lunch to buy ice cream. This was late in the school year -maybe even after finals--and we were all honor students. All our parents objected and the suspension was lifted.

Yay, Mom stories!

[themadblonde]

I have many (my mom had a lovely voice & taught me many songs to sing w/ her in the car. I wish now I had been a little less of a little sh*t about doing it), including the photo of my mother being taken away in handcuffs from a civil disobedience protest.

My favourite, though, is from a Christmas when I was (I *think*) 19 or 20. Bear & I had been engaged a few months but we decided to "announce" it @ a family dinner. My father & stepmother had invited the whole family, INCLUDING my mother, to Xmas dinner, & for the first time since the divorce (9-10 years earlier) my mother crossed the threshold of his house. It went fine, everybody on good behaviour & enough young kids present to distract us all. As we were leaving, my mother looked back @ the Manse, that lovely house & all the life & friends she'd left behind when she left Dad, & she half smiled & said "You know, I have no regrets."

This from the woman who'd defied tradition, divorced the minister, left a REALLY nice home & most of her (THEIR) friends behind, created a new life for herself & two of her (rather difficult) children, put herself through grad school w/ very little help from her ex, & was now working in a demanding profession she loved & living, if not richly, @ least well in her eyes.

I was never prouder of her, & have always hoped that there will come a day when I might be able to say the same. I doubt it, but it was a lovely thing to hear.

Re: Yay, Mom stories!

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

What was the profession your mom went into?

Assissotom

[(Anonymous)]

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Re: Assissotom

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.

Shrimp boats are a comin'

[(Anonymous)]

Did anyone ever get back to you about your "Shrimp boats" song query in your January 9 posting? That's from the song "Shrimp Boats Are a Comin'," which was a huge hit for Jo Stafford in 1951. The lyrics go, "Shrimp boats are a comin, They're sails are in sight. Shrimp boats are a comin', There's dancing tonight." They would have been all over the radio in the early 1950s. Mind you I wasn't born until 6 years later. Don't ask how I know these things.
Stefan

Re: Shrimp boats are a comin'

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Yes, if you followed the thread--someone did indeed id it as Jo Stafford! But thanks.