How the web is changing certain social exchanges

[ellen_datlow]

I've just come across this phenomena lately, and it's obviously a result of social networking on the web.

It used to be that when a person was coming to town, she'd reach out and personally contact the people she wanted to see while here. That way we can make plans to see one another either one-on- one or in a small group. When I'm preparing for a trip, that's part of my preparation-- I reach out to the various people I want to see and email or phone them. Or, I have one well-connected, well-organized friend contact everyone else for me to set up a gathering so we can all get together.

Several times in the past months, I've discovered, after the fact, that writers with whom I have a social relationship were in town but hadn't contacted me. When asked why they didn't let me know they were here I've been told oh, we posted about it on our blog/facebook/myspace or on our business listserve.

Call me old fashioned, but I feel that social networks are an adjunct to direct contact. If I blog that I'm going to be in Seattle, KC, London, or anywhere away from home, it's meant for those people I'm not in touch with otherwise, for whom I likely don't have email addresses for.

I never assume friends or acquaintances or business associates will read my blog (of course I'm delighted when people DO read it, but I sure don't expect it).

I realize this is a little bump in the road of congeniality but I'm just wondering if I've become a dinosaur to expect a bit of a personal back and forth here?

Comments

[lagilman]

We shall be dinosaurs together, then. Because, yeah, pretty much what you said.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

(sigh of relief)--I'm relieved I'm not alone here in the wilderness ;-)

[amysisson.livejournal.com]

You are definitely not alone. And even if I know for sure that a particular friend reads my LJ/blog in general, how do I know that they're not sick or out of town, or that they've lost electricity for three days? They may or may not be able to go back and catch up on every post, and even if they do, they'll likely to be skimming. It's simply unreasonable to assume that a person absolutely will see every blog entry!

Related but not, I'm very disheartened by the trend these days of blog posts that say "If you want a Christmas card from me this year, leave your address as a comment to this post."

[jpantalleresco.livejournal.com]

As a general rule, when I travel, I do mention if I'm going to be in town, and then make a point to call/email/whatever people I specifically want to see or need to see. It's just an extra detail I think is appreciated.

But as a general rule, a lot of people post events and when they'll happen on their pages and consider that enough. I can see why. You can hit more people that way. At least in theory.

What's forgotten with this practice is the sheer amount of information that's posted online. It's like a giant bulletin board and if you catch the information, great. But if you don't...I don't have time to read all the updates I get in my mail, and I'm just a fan. Imagine an editor? Oy.

Better to email directly. But that's me.

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

Ditto.

Blogs have their limitations. If everyone out there were perched in front of the puter reading every entry written by everyone they know, they'd never have time to even use the bathroom. Personal contact is superior to the Net, and a tradition we should never abandon. We aren't robots.

[nihilistic-kid.livejournal.com]

It's like the society pages in newspapers, except now everyone gets to be the Jackie O of their own life.

[nick-kaufmann.livejournal.com]

I agree with you 100%. Saying that you mentioned it on your Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, etc., is a complete cop out. It's also incredibly lazy. If you want to see someone, you contact them, you don't post it in a "public square" and wait for everyone to beg you to see them. Who are these people, the fucking Queen?

[timesygn.livejournal.com]

As reality has been replaced by reality TV, relationships have been replaced by blogs. People today have McFriendships.

[dr-phil-physics.livejournal.com]

Hear-hear! Posting travel information is definitely not a substitute for a personal "Hey, I'm going to be in town -- can we get together?" For one thing, if I read that so-and-so was going to be in town for work and they didn't contact me, my first assumption is that their time has been booked up. Some business things bleed over into meals and evenings. Cons can easily be overscheduled with people to meet, sessions to visit.

It's the height of irony that social networking may result in less personal contact, rather than more. Unless, of course, you equate personal contact with an invitation to take the "What Cheese Is Your Personality Quiz?" (grin)

Dr. Phil

[jeffpalmatier.livejournal.com]

No, I don't think you're being a dinosaur or unreasonable to expect direct contact. I've missed stuff on blogs that I follow closely. Sometimes you just have one of those days where a post can get lost in an avalanche of your f-list and the other stuff you're trying to keep track of, so direct contact is definitely the way to go.