One of the most disturbing articles I've read in a long time

[ellen_datlow]

I find it hard to believe that 1) that a bride would ask this of her friends and 2) that if asked the friends wouldn't beat the s...t out of their supposed friend, the bride. Am I overreacting?

It’s Botox for You, Dear Bridesmaids

Comments

[amysisson.livejournal.com]

You aren't overreacting in the slightest.

I'm truly disgusted that such things would ever even occur to a bride. I thought it was bad enough when brides gently suggested to bridesmaids that they try to lose 10 pounds for the so-called "big day."

Wow. Gonna have to re-post this one....

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Yeah--that was bad enough.

[woodburner.livejournal.com]

Holy christ. If someone asked me to do that I'd laugh right in their face. What in the hell is wrong with our culture that this is happening?

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I grew more and more appalled as I kept reading.

[casacorona.livejournal.com]

You are not overreacting. That's disgusting.

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

Wow... My girlfriend and I are just gobsmacked by this.

And I think this part of the article just broke my brain:

Alas, two women were claustrophobic and couldn’t bear standing in a tanning capsule. “They asked the bride if they could use regular tanning cream from a salon,” Ms. Goldberg said. The bride refused; she wanted everyone to be the same shade. The women ultimately declined to be bridesmaids. “Friendships of 20-plus years gone over a spray tan?” Ms. Goldberg said. “Sad!”

[cristalia.livejournal.com]

Wow. They're the only sane ones in the whole article.

[stephcampisi.livejournal.com]

I think I just developed some wrinkles from all the frowning I did reading that article!

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

Me too, and I LIKE my wrinkles.

[ellyssian.livejournal.com]

Seems like reasonable behavior. Yours, not that of the bride. =)

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

I thought so ;-)

[joeicarus.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

I'm rolling my eyes so hard I think I lost one.

It's times like these I feel like I'm from a different planet--I just don't understand how shallow some people can be.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

One might almost think it's a joke foisted on the reporter and the public...

[shadowsandice.livejournal.com]

I think I come from a different planet than the people in this article.

[tinaconnolly.livejournal.com]

Word.

[vee-ecks.livejournal.com]

Well, presumably, if you're that shallow and awful, you tend to surround yourself with other shallow, awful people. So maybe making this kind of horrifically inappropriate demand would just sort of blend into the passive-aggressive cesspool you call "friendship" and not be anything worth objecting to, in that context.

I really can't believe the part about the bride demanding boob jobs, though. Good god.

[cathellisen.livejournal.com]

On one hand, a sort-of relaxing spa get-together with the bridesmaids would be cool- massage, pedicures maybe, but botox? It's like these people come from a different planet.

[cherylmmorgan.livejournal.com]

I had to go to Korea on a business trip a couple of years ago and one thing that stood out to me about Seoul was that it appeared to be standard practice for marriage bureaus to have attached cosmetic surgery businesses.

[desperance.livejournal.com]

I noticed that, too - but I assumed it was for the brides and grooms, y'know? The ones making a lifetime commitment, rather than the ones just turning out for the day...

[desperance.livejournal.com]

...Or breast enhancements? 'Scuse me? "You're my best friend and I love you and I want you to be my bridesmaid, but just have your body fixed first..."

I've just decided; people are weird.

[splinister.livejournal.com]

I think this is a sign of the worsening pressure on women to stay young and attractive. After all, that's one of our primary functions! What's the saddest thing about this article is that the women have bought into the myth. The fact that only one bridesmaid out of five had the good sense to refuse cosmetic surgery (a push-up bra did the job after all) is telling.

I thought the reporter, Abby Ellin, didn't present any alternative to this upsurge in obsession about perfection. The issue is normalised in her piece, and the women who don't participate are subtly depicted as the odd ones out.

In fact, I'm a little leery about the careful placement of companies offering these services in the article - which struck me as being close to product placement. I noticed this the other day in another NYT article I read online.

[lagilman]

*flails madly*

I very rarely ever say this, but - OMGWTFBBQ?


(if you're overreacting, I'm right there with you. OMGWTF, people!)

[e-cunningham.livejournal.com]

I guess nothing says true friendship like inducing muscle paralysis with an injection of neurotoxin.

Idiots.

[stakebait.livejournal.com]

If you are overreacting, I am too; I spent at least 15 minutes ranting about this to a coworker yesterday morning.

I suppose, stretching a point, that if you knew a really close friend was already seriously considering this on their own account, you MIGHT say "hey, I'm gonna do it before the wedding and I could really use the moral support, so if you want to go in with me I'll pick up the tab." I wouldn't, but I guess I can sort of see it if I squint. However "hey, guys, I expect you to spend $1200 to get rid of your facial expressions because it's my big day?" So much no.

[miladyinsanity.livejournal.com]

I'm already slated to be a bridesmaid next year.

I love my cousin enough to wear green and a floor-length dress.

This goes beyond the call of duty.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

I've never been a bridesmaid but after seeing some of the dresses they're often made to wear, can't say I really want to be one --ever ;-)

[m-stiefvater.livejournal.com]

*shiver* This has the makings of an M. T. Anderson novel all over it, doesn't it?

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, no. This has the makings of a bad 'decadent post-humans' story.

"C'mon, Tiffany," Merissa pouted. "I want _all_ the bridesmaids to have tentacles!"

~Tristan

[fixnwrtr.livejournal.com]

Maybe a little, but in this youth obsessed culture this is what matters. It's sad.

[bosswriter.livejournal.com]

Vanity - it's not just a whim, it's an obsession.

[strange.livejournal.com]

I remember being blindsided when a friend asked me to dye my hair a different colour and take out my nose ring for her big day, and you know what, I told her so. I said, "This is who I am, this is the person you are friends with and have always been friends with. Know I love you to death and I want nothing more than to be in your wedding party, but it really hurts me to know that you essentially want me to be someone else for your big day." That said, I kept my nose ring and red hair and no one said a peep. I suspect they were much more aghast about the drunken best man.

[ellen-datlow.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it didn't break up your friendship...how did she react when you told her you wouldn't do it? (obviously she relented but was she at least embarrassed? She should have been)

[nitewanderer.livejournal.com]

Unbelieveable.

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

Destructive narcissism is rampant in this country -- nauseating.

[alaneer.livejournal.com]

Ouch, needles and acid; that's one wedding I would decline to participate in.

[joshenglish.livejournal.com]

Agreed. This is disgusting. No overreaction here. This is just plain wrong. Why do some women spend all their energy on a wedding? The marriage is far more important.