"Mr. Studio President, no-one is watching the Sci-Fi Channel. In our third quarter we put out several critically acclaimed television productions - Big Fucking Snake II, Hummingbird: Terror In The Trumpet Flowers, Redbug: Itchy Incident At Three-Mile Island - but our ratings were lower than ever. What should we do?"
"Hrm (chomps huge cigar, rubs chin ponderously). Well ... only nerds and geeks like this sci-fi shit, right? And aren't they all too busy reading book or somethin'?"
"Well, yes, but in the pa--"
"Well good god-damn, man, there's our problem, right there in the name! If we change it to something less obvious, more people will watch. Make it ... hell, I dunno, 'SyFy'. Hip kids love misspellings."
"--Excuse me, Mr. President?"
"What the hell is it now, Wiggins?"
"I ... well ... Wouldn't it be wiser in the long run to ... I don't know, work on putting out more quality programming? I mean, MST3K pulled in a lot of ratings, and ... well ... Our slogan is 'What If', right?"
(Sounds of sizzling flesh, screaming)
"What If, eh? What If my cigar wasn't burning a fucking hole through your retina right now?"
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Re: XTREEEEEEEEM!!!
Date: 2009-03-16 04:58 pm (UTC)"Hrm (chomps huge cigar, rubs chin ponderously). Well ... only nerds and geeks like this sci-fi shit, right? And aren't they all too busy reading book or somethin'?"
"Well, yes, but in the pa--"
"Well good god-damn, man, there's our problem, right there in the name! If we change it to something less obvious, more people will watch. Make it ... hell, I dunno, 'SyFy'. Hip kids love misspellings."
"--Excuse me, Mr. President?"
"What the hell is it now, Wiggins?"
"I ... well ... Wouldn't it be wiser in the long run to ... I don't know, work on putting out more quality programming? I mean, MST3K pulled in a lot of ratings, and ... well ... Our slogan is 'What If', right?"
(Sounds of sizzling flesh, screaming)
"What If, eh? What If my cigar wasn't burning a fucking hole through your retina right now?"