ellen_datlow (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ellen_datlow) wrote2008-05-21 01:49 am
ellen_datlow) wrote2008-05-21 01:49 am
Entry tags:
In my yahoo mailbox--how to make friends and influence people
Since he announces that it's creative commons, I'm delighted to post his submission letter and entire story here--however I will remove his name.
Subject: Perhaps?, no this is the greatest story submission your ever going to see in your dank hole of a website.
I wrote this story tonight and it took me about an hour. I am the Mozart of short sci-fi stories. I am ***** and you will want to publish this so badly, and pay me lots of moneys because I was smart enough to creative commons this mofucka long before i sent it to you losers. I egarly await my paycheck.
Orgasatron � a tale of life and lust in the digital wild west
By: Fred Cipriano
"Were in deep shit dude" said the clown as the universe contracted into a single point, "deepest shit I've seen since the shit mines of alpha continuo". It was the day of reckoning, the world was there to see it and observe its wonderful shine. The clown picked up the universal ululation array (or UUA for short) and placed it in a worn brown plastic briefcase. "I'm sort of glad you're around and not glad at the same time for what it cost me." exclaimed the clown as he turned to his unimaginable friend. "INDEED" replied the computer voice of the clown's only friend in the universe, "FYI I have aids".
Jeb Turncoatmcbaggins woke up this morning like every morning, soaked in the dampness of his wife's pleasure slime. "Christ Maggie! Stop MASTERBATEING" he shorted, even though he would be able to steal all her money cards if she ever stopped that constant sacrament. He drove to work in the usual manner of the future, in the sky on autopilot for free. There he transforms from Jeb local man on the street to Doc Turncoatmcbaggins private eye and robot finding expert. Jeb's job is to find missing robots whose programming goes haywire. It's an easy enough job and the pay is shite. Suddenly a call shot warmly out of the telephone machine "HELP�STOLENROBOT: NAME: Orgasatron BRAND:N/A SEX: always". "OMFG" shouted the doctor though the shoutish future machine, "sex bots like Orgasatron are hard to come by if you know what I mean, I can program it to bite off dudes cocks and bring them to me to complete my master plan to be the cockmaster of this fair city!".
Suddenly a naked old lady appeared on the tv, "Hi im president Lohan and I just stuck a banna up my asshole, you can do it to and post it on youtube if not for yourself for America" she said. Jeb masturbated furiously and was unable to bring himself to climax.
Then there was a knock at the door! Jeb zipped up his space pants and nearly slipped on his seed to reach the door open button in time. "Hello jeb, I am Bounty Huntatron and I'm here to suck on your space popsicles" beeped-out Bounty Huntatron as he walked to the tiny door in the wall. Bounty opened the door and saw an even larger door on the inside of the tiny door and opened that and was in a magical realm of popsicles. Large green popsicles inhabited most of this carnival of frozen delight, and young German men and women come here annually to have sex and have space orgies. The robot was wide eyed as he approached the tower of ice angels. "thus I have been sent to the heavens!" gaily said Bounty. Instant robot death lasers were the ice angels only reply.
Jeb called an ancient googlemaster he knew to look up the robots location. "234 parkway east, about a block from that shop that has the 10 dollar 'dildoe till you drop' bag sale." Moaned out the chinaman. Jeb was on his way before the phone hit the ground, he knew what this was� war.
Jeb easily found and deactivated the robot and brought him to his secret robot lab. Programming him to eat cocks the robot did so for many years till it contracted aids and was put in the hospital, I mean space robot hospital.
"yes you have aids" said the space robot robot doctor. "dam" said Orgasatron. "yup, not hiv, full blown aids" repeated the doctor "just to be clear". "well how could this happen?" whined the robotic patient. "hmm� I don't know perhaps all the biting off of everyone's cocks?" chuckled the doctor. "oh yeah, the cock biting" said the distraught robotic pork sword remover.
Kinda bummed about the whole aid's thing, the robot cockbiteing man walked to the circus in an attempt to cheer himself up. In the circus he meets an amazing clown called beebo and together they masturbate furiously till they both reach climax! Then suddenly the cockbiteing robot man bites his cock off and stored it in a special cock sack inside the robots titanium hull. "this cock is special and will be inside me forever" beeped the robot.
"noooooo, I enjoyed putting that in my daughters cereal every morning without her knowing and laughing as she ate it!" said the clown. The clown now neutered and unable to produce cock soup for his little angel decides to go back to his old job in the physics of destroying the universe lab at Harvard 2.0 and does not change his makeup or attire to suit his new workplace environment.
"ahh haha! I have built the UUA device!" shouted the cock-less wonder on his second day. Then due to a slip and fall problem, the machine gets turned on and everyone gets 10 minutes to live except for people with clowns DNA somewhere in there body. As the universe slowly fades away the clown can see none other than the cock eating robot walking over the hill. Then slowly the doctor begins to kiss the robot. "Were in deep shit dude" he said.
Make all checks payable to:
*****
*****
******
thank you.
Subject: Perhaps?, no this is the greatest story submission your ever going to see in your dank hole of a website.
I wrote this story tonight and it took me about an hour. I am the Mozart of short sci-fi stories. I am ***** and you will want to publish this so badly, and pay me lots of moneys because I was smart enough to creative commons this mofucka long before i sent it to you losers. I egarly await my paycheck.
Orgasatron � a tale of life and lust in the digital wild west
By: Fred Cipriano
"Were in deep shit dude" said the clown as the universe contracted into a single point, "deepest shit I've seen since the shit mines of alpha continuo". It was the day of reckoning, the world was there to see it and observe its wonderful shine. The clown picked up the universal ululation array (or UUA for short) and placed it in a worn brown plastic briefcase. "I'm sort of glad you're around and not glad at the same time for what it cost me." exclaimed the clown as he turned to his unimaginable friend. "INDEED" replied the computer voice of the clown's only friend in the universe, "FYI I have aids".
Jeb Turncoatmcbaggins woke up this morning like every morning, soaked in the dampness of his wife's pleasure slime. "Christ Maggie! Stop MASTERBATEING" he shorted, even though he would be able to steal all her money cards if she ever stopped that constant sacrament. He drove to work in the usual manner of the future, in the sky on autopilot for free. There he transforms from Jeb local man on the street to Doc Turncoatmcbaggins private eye and robot finding expert. Jeb's job is to find missing robots whose programming goes haywire. It's an easy enough job and the pay is shite. Suddenly a call shot warmly out of the telephone machine "HELP�STOLENROBOT: NAME: Orgasatron BRAND:N/A SEX: always". "OMFG" shouted the doctor though the shoutish future machine, "sex bots like Orgasatron are hard to come by if you know what I mean, I can program it to bite off dudes cocks and bring them to me to complete my master plan to be the cockmaster of this fair city!".
Suddenly a naked old lady appeared on the tv, "Hi im president Lohan and I just stuck a banna up my asshole, you can do it to and post it on youtube if not for yourself for America" she said. Jeb masturbated furiously and was unable to bring himself to climax.
Then there was a knock at the door! Jeb zipped up his space pants and nearly slipped on his seed to reach the door open button in time. "Hello jeb, I am Bounty Huntatron and I'm here to suck on your space popsicles" beeped-out Bounty Huntatron as he walked to the tiny door in the wall. Bounty opened the door and saw an even larger door on the inside of the tiny door and opened that and was in a magical realm of popsicles. Large green popsicles inhabited most of this carnival of frozen delight, and young German men and women come here annually to have sex and have space orgies. The robot was wide eyed as he approached the tower of ice angels. "thus I have been sent to the heavens!" gaily said Bounty. Instant robot death lasers were the ice angels only reply.
Jeb called an ancient googlemaster he knew to look up the robots location. "234 parkway east, about a block from that shop that has the 10 dollar 'dildoe till you drop' bag sale." Moaned out the chinaman. Jeb was on his way before the phone hit the ground, he knew what this was� war.
Jeb easily found and deactivated the robot and brought him to his secret robot lab. Programming him to eat cocks the robot did so for many years till it contracted aids and was put in the hospital, I mean space robot hospital.
"yes you have aids" said the space robot robot doctor. "dam" said Orgasatron. "yup, not hiv, full blown aids" repeated the doctor "just to be clear". "well how could this happen?" whined the robotic patient. "hmm� I don't know perhaps all the biting off of everyone's cocks?" chuckled the doctor. "oh yeah, the cock biting" said the distraught robotic pork sword remover.
Kinda bummed about the whole aid's thing, the robot cockbiteing man walked to the circus in an attempt to cheer himself up. In the circus he meets an amazing clown called beebo and together they masturbate furiously till they both reach climax! Then suddenly the cockbiteing robot man bites his cock off and stored it in a special cock sack inside the robots titanium hull. "this cock is special and will be inside me forever" beeped the robot.
"noooooo, I enjoyed putting that in my daughters cereal every morning without her knowing and laughing as she ate it!" said the clown. The clown now neutered and unable to produce cock soup for his little angel decides to go back to his old job in the physics of destroying the universe lab at Harvard 2.0 and does not change his makeup or attire to suit his new workplace environment.
"ahh haha! I have built the UUA device!" shouted the cock-less wonder on his second day. Then due to a slip and fall problem, the machine gets turned on and everyone gets 10 minutes to live except for people with clowns DNA somewhere in there body. As the universe slowly fades away the clown can see none other than the cock eating robot walking over the hill. Then slowly the doctor begins to kiss the robot. "Were in deep shit dude" he said.
Make all checks payable to:
*****
*****
******
thank you.
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